Motivation

Here’s a bit of a confession.

For months, I wrote a blog post every week, if not more. I worked on manuscripts and queried, entered contests and spent every spare minute on Twitter making connections with other writers. And then, late last fall, I stopped.

If you read my blog frequently, I’m sure you noticed. Some of you even asked me about it. I recently said in a post that I was busy writing and querying with not much going on. This was true. Also, a lie. (Because, yes, things can be both.)

I was querying, getting rejections and requests, and didn’t want to talk about it and jinx anything.

But I’d stopped writing. I’d like to say it was because I’d gotten to a point in my work in progress where I knew what I wanted to happen farther in the plot, but I couldn’t figure out how to get from where I was to that point. I was missing a step somewhere. That’s true enough, but nothing like that had really stopped me before in my WIPs. Before, I always pushed forward, no matter the resistance, knowing I could revise the thing later if necessary. (It was always necessary.)

What really stopped my writing was much bigger than plot problem. I found out in October that I’m pregnant. And within a week or two, I was so exhausted and sick that I could barely get through my normal workday. When I got home in the evenings, I fell asleep. I woke up to eat dinner and get sick, then it was back to sleep until morning. Writing (and blogging, Twittering, etc.) wasn’t even a question, plot issues or no.

Though I’m feeling more energetic now, within these last couple of weeks, I’ve been worried about my writing. Because writing is like exercise. In order to stay fit, you have to exercise on a certain schedule, every day, every week. Once you stop, it’s hard to get back into the routine, to get back to where you were. And though I’ve been thinking about my plot issues, I’m not sure I’ve solved them.

All of this worries me because, despite querying, I’m always working on a WIP, a backup plan for if querying doesn’t get me an agent. Without that backup writing, I start to panic, flail around, and worry. And, to continue being honest, I stopped querying around the holidays. Life’s too crazy for me and for agents around Thanksgiving and Christmas. But now that’s all over and I’m wondering…when do I start querying again? Writing? Where’s my motivation?  Gone with my first trimester exhaustion?

Then yesterday I received an email from a Twitter writer friend whose debut novel comes out soon. And while I’m happy for her, I’m also incredibly jealous. I want an agent, a debut novel. I want it BAD.

Just like that, my motivation's back. Everything that's made me work so hard the last year and a half has shoved aside what remains of my exhaustion, my worries. I'm going to solve that plot problem in my WIP and query my manuscript. Someday, I'm going to have a published novel.