After all, there are plenty of things that aren’t
possible. You can’t defy gravity, despite what the Wicked song would have us believe. You can’t go faster than the
speed of light (as theories go). You can’t go back in time and change events. I
could never be a rocket scientist. I just don’t have the IQ for that. I couldn’t
be tall. My genetics have stuck me at 5’2” (or, more accurately, 5’1.5”). I
also can’t fly, no matter how great the birds make it look.
This all makes me want to pull a John Mayer and run
through my high school’s halls yelling that you can’t be whatever you want and
anything isn’t possible. Don't get me wrong. I get why they tell us these things. But still...
...is it possible that I just can’t be an author? Is it possible that no matter how much I want to be a published writer, it isn’t going to happen for me? I feel like it’s all about the right words—exactly the right words—at the right time for the right agent. That’s a lot of variables. I feel like you need an immense amount of luck for that. I’m not that lucky.
I’ve always been good at everything—I got all A’s in my
aforementioned school—but I’ve never been GREAT at anything. I’d like to think
that my writing is good. Not these blog entries, because I’m a fiction writer
at heart, but the novels that I can’t stop writing. Is it good enough? Is it
greater than good, greater than the average? And can I, in about 300 words, make
it sound so great that I get a literary agent’s attention?
After posting my entry for the Authoress’s Baker’s Dozen 2013, I can’t stop thinking
about my luck. My odds. With 300 YA/MG entries and only 35 advancing, that
gives me an 11.67% chance of making it past the initial round. My logline and
250 first words have to be better than the writing of 265 other people. That
makes me cringe. I WANT TO BE A PUBLISHED AUTHOR! but what if my words aren’t
great enough?
These are dark thoughts, I know. I try to be positive
about this whole process. It helps that Tahereh Mafi tweeted today about her
hundreds of rejections…except that HUNDREDS just seems like such a burden. How
can I hold up against hundreds of rejections? How many novels will I have to
write before the right one? Is there a right one? Is it possible that someday I
will be what I really want to be?
Wow, I hear you. I recently added up all the words from all the novels I've written and found that it was over a million words. And I'm not published or agented. The number of words has little to do with it, but the road to publication is littered with the people who give up. Which means, the only way to guarantee you get published is to keep going.
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot of learning along the way, but it'll come with time.
Oh man I know these feelings. I am not a lucky person. Things don't go my way in life though I do have a good life. I too feel encouraged when I read stories of published authors pile of rejections. I see hope in the stories of authors writing 3, 4, 8 books before they finally get an agent and a book deal. But I wonder if I can keep persevering amidst the discouragement of the nos.
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