Confetti Hope

People say you have to be careful what you write on the internet for others to read, especially when you’re trying to get an agent and a book published. You have to be positive, you have to market yourself (and your writing) well. One wrong thing could leave a bad impression that could taint how others see you.

I get this. I’m good at being positive…or at least realistic. But some days are harder than others, like today. I’d like to blame it on the heavy clouds hanging over the city, but I actually love rain, thrive in thunderstorms. It’s more about all the success stories I’ve been reading lately. It’s one thing to read random success stories; it’s another when those success stories are about people you know, people you’ve chatted with on Twitter, people who’ve been in the same contests as you.

It’s so great for all of them. It’s awesome that they’ve made it after all they’ve been through, that they have an agent and (probably) will soon have a publisher. I cheer for them, offer them my congrats.

But when I read about their successes on blogs, in tweets, I can’t help but wonder will that ever be me? The answer, of course, is maybe. Most (non-writer) people I talk to about this process say of course it will! but they don’t understand how this works. This isn’t one of those things that if you keep going, if you try hard enough and put enough effort into it, that you’ll eventually get what you want (an agent, a published book). There are no guarantees here. So to those of course you will! people, I make sure to say maybe. Because it’s not that they think I’ve got what it takes—they just think that it’s either possible for anyone or that it’s what I want to hear.

Honestly, I would rather they were more supportive. I would rather they were sympathetic. I don’t need those promises of of course you will! I like it better when people understand that I don’t need those offers of false hope tossed at me like confetti that’ll be swept away and trashed as soon as we leave the party.

I have my own hope. I keep it in check most of the time because I’ve gotten too excited, too hopeful before and been rejected…but I still have it. I have two manuscripts that I love and there’s a good chance someone’s going to love one of them too, assuming I can find that person at the right time. I’m querying and prepping for contests (Pitch Wars in August, anyone?), in theory increasing my chances of finding an agent.

But will I find an agent? Maybe. In the meantime, I’ll keep reading success stories of others. As hard as they are to read, I’ve learned a lot from them—how this process takes A LOT of patience, how to improve my query letter and overall pitch, some questions to ask if an agent offers to represent me. I’ll keep cheering for and helping my writer friends, because no matter what, that’s what we writers do for each other. And I’ll keep hoping that maybe will turn into yes.