Except…I think I’m getting ahead of myself. Backing up.
New to Twitter, I’m just as new to writing contests. I
first came across #nightmarequery about a week or two ago. I still don’t know
exactly how it worked, but I do know that literary agents were reading queries
and it was FUN. I have honestly never thought of querying as fun. I like it…but
fun it isn’t. I was jealous, reading all those #nightmarequery tweets. And then
I came across #bakersdozen2013 and a link to a blog.
Basically, Authoress Anon runs a contest where
(unagented) writers submit the first 250 words of their completed manuscript
and a logline of 75 words or less. Authoress Anon and a few others then read
these entries and select the best ones. These best entries are then placed
before 14 literary agents, who can bid on the entries. The bids? Number of
pages they want of the entrant’s manuscript. Wow.
(Click http://misssnarksfirstvictim.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-2013-bakers-dozen-submission.html for more information…unless I’ve done this wrong. Then Google Miss Snark’s
First Victim or Authoress Anon. I’m still not so social media savvy, you know.)
Now, I know there will be a lot of writers entering and I
know that doesn’t make my chances great of being chosen for the contest’s agent
round, but it sounds like FUN. I need some fun.
I have until Tuesday to prep my logline and double check
the first 250 words of WORLD’S EDGE. (Why WORLD’S EDGE and not FOR PARIS, FOR
LOVE? Well, I’ve sent FOR PARIS, FOR LOVE queries to many of the contest’s
agents. Plus, WORLD’S EDGE isn’t out there anywhere except for my blog.) I’ve
got the first 250 words of the manuscript covered, but I’d love some help with
the logline thing.
So…what’s a logline? According to the contest’s rules,
the logline has to be 75 words or less. Okay, got it. According to my online
(Twitter and Google) research, a logline is a (super) short synopsis. Uh…don’t
got it? Here’s where I could use the help. I’ve been writing some loglines and
would love some feedback. Loglines I’ve prepped:
1. A sixteen year old girl must stop seeing, hearing,
feeling a parallel world before she ends up like a fellow student—dead on the
other side.
2. Hazel wants to believe she isn’t going crazy. She isn’t
losing track of time, seeing mountains beyond the Indiana fields, or hearing
the black beasts stalking her speak. Then, she sees a fellow student on the
other side—dead—and convinces her boyfriend Cory that they must stop what’s
happening to her before she ends up like Ethan.
3. A sixteen year old girl must stop seeing mountains
beyond the Indiana fields and hearing the black beasts stalking her speak.
Because her boyfriend’s roommate was experiencing the same parallel world
before he disappeared and now she’s seeing him—dead on the other side.
What would I love to have from you? Constructive
criticism on any/all of these possible loglines, please! Let me know which one
you love or which one you hate. Let me know what’s not clear, what I can do to
improve either the grammar or the content, what you like and what you don’t
like. You can leave your comments here or send messages to my Twitter
(@tracygoeke). And if you’re prepping your own logline for #bakersdozen2013 and
would also like help, please let me know. (Give and take, yeah? I miss my
college writing courses and group critiques.) Thanks, all!
I like the 3rd best. My only concern is the words "must stop"-- they make it sound like she has a choice. Does she? If not, could you say "must find a way to stop.."?
ReplyDeleteI just joined twitter too & entered my women's fiction into that contest this morning. I spent 4 hours on three sentences, and I still don't like what I put! Good luck to both of us!!! Your book sounds really interesting, by the way. :)
Thanks for the help! Good luck to you, too! Let me know on Twitter how it goes?
DeleteSounds like a fun story, Tracy! I'm having the opposite problem--I feel pretty confident about my logline (in large part thanks to Lara at http://lcmcgehee.com/ who offered up her blog for receiving crits) but am a little worried about my first 250. For both, though, I think it comes down to the details--which ones are the "telling details" that make the story unique and which are just confusing!
ReplyDeleteI like the third best, but am still a bit confused by it.
How about...
Sixteen-year-old Hazel's being stalked by beasts from a parallel world. When Ethan--who [also experienced the parallel world]--turns up dead, Hazel must [what must she do?] before she's next.
Two things--my "also experienced the parallel world" is really boring, but I'm not quite understanding the link between Hazel and Ethan. Can you describe what's actually happened to him there? Also, I agree, "must stop" is kind of vague--how is she going to stop it?
In terms of "hearing the black beasts stalking her speak," that feels kind of clumsy to me. I had to read it a few times to really understand and though I think it's grammatically correct, it feels off somehow. I'd eliminate "speak" because though of course, black beasts wouldn't necessarily *speak*, that she's hearing them is enough, I think.
(I had the same problem with a vague "here's the final thing that happens" in mine--it's so hard to distill that big multi-chapter arc of solution down into just three or four words!)
Good luck!
Thanks, Jessica! Good luck to you, too!
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